Watching the Mirror
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So… I found this and now it keeps coming to mind. You hear about “life-changing writing advice” all the time and usually its really not—but honestly this is it man.
I’m going to try it.
I love the lawyer metaphor, because whenever I see “John knew that…” in prose writing I immediately think “how? How does he know it?” Interrogate your witnesses. Cross-examine them. Make them explain their reasoning. It pays dividends.
All of this, but also feels/felt. My editor has forbidden me from using those and it’s forced me to stretch my skills.
[ID: The full text of an article. It reads:
“Writing Advice”: by Charles Palahniuk- In six seconds, you’ll hate me.
But in six months, you’ll be a better writer.
From this point forward – at least for the next half year – you may not use “thought” verbs. These include: Thinks, Knows, Understands, Realizes, Believes, Wants, Remembers, Imagines, Desires, and a hundred others you love to use.
The list should also include: Loves and Hates.
And it should include: Is and Has, but we’ll get to those, later.
Until some time around Christmas, you can’t write: Kenny wondered if Monica didn’t like him going out at night…”
Thinking is abstract. Knowing and believing are intangible. Your story will always be stronger if you just show the physical actions and details of your characters and allow your reader to do the thinking and knowing. And loving and hating.
Instead, you’ll have to Un-pack that to something like: “The mornings after Kenny had stayed out, beyond the last bus, until he’d had to bum a ride or pay for a cab and got home to find Monica faking sleep, faking because she never slept that quiet, those mornings, she’d only put her own cup of coffee in the microwave. Never his.”
Instead of characters knowing anything, you must now present the details that allow the reader to know them. Instead of a character wanting something, you must now describe the thing so that the reader wants it.
Instead of saying: “Adam knew Gwen liked him.”
You’ll have to say: “Between classes, Gwen was always leaned on his locker when he’d go to open it. She’d roll her eyes and shove off with one foot, leaving a black-heel mark on the painted metal, but she also left the smell of her perfume. The combination lock would still be warm from her ass. And the next break, Gwen would be leaned there, again.”
In short, no more short-cuts. Only specific sensory detail: action, smell, taste, sound, and feeling.
Typically, writers use these “thought” verbs at the beginning of a paragraph (In this form, you can call them “Thesis Statements” and I’ll rail against those, later) In a way, they state the intention of the paragraph. And what follows, illustrates them.
For example:
“Brenda knew she’d never make the deadline. Traffic was backed up from the bridge, past the first eight or nine exits. Her cell phone battery was dead. At home, the dogs would need to go out, or there would be a mess to clean up. Plus, she’d promised to water the plants for her neighbor…”
Do you see how the opening “thesis statement” steals the thunder of what follows? Don’t do it.
If nothing else, cut the opening sentence and place it after all the others. Better yet, transplant it and change it to: Brenda would never make the deadline.
Thinking is abstract. Knowing and believing are intangible. Your story will always be stronger if you just show the physical actions and details of your characters and allow your reader to do the thinking and knowing. And loving and hating.
Don’t tell your reader: “Lisa hated Tom.”
Instead, make your case like a lawyer in court, detail by detail. Present each piece of evidence. For example:
“During role call, in the breath after the teacher said Tom’s name, in that moment before he could answer, right then, Lisa would whisper-shout: ‘Butt Wipe,” just as Tom was saying, ‘Here’.”
One of the most-common mistakes that beginning writers make is leaving their characters alone. Writing, you may be alone. Reading, your audience may be alone. But your character should spend very, very little time alone. Because a solitary character starts thinking or worrying or wondering.
For example: Waiting for the bus, Mark started to worry about how long the trip would take..”
A better break-down might be: “The schedule said the bus would come by at noon, but Mark’s watch said it was already 11:57. You could see all the way down the road, as far as the Mall, and not see a bus. No doubt, the driver was parked at the turn-around, the far end of the line, taking a nap. The driver was kicked back, asleep, and Mark was going to be late. Or worse, the driver was drinking, and he’d pull up drunk and charge Mark seventy-five cents for death in a fiery traffic accident…”
A character alone must lapse into fantasy or memory, but even then you can’t use “thought” verbs or any of their abstract relatives.
Oh, and you can just forget about using the verbs forget and remember.
No more transitions such as: “Wanda remember how Nelson used to brush her hair.”
Instead: “Back in their sophomore year, Nelson used to brush her hair with smooth, long strokes of his hand.”
Again, Un-pack. Don’t take short-cuts.
Better yet, get your character with another character, fast. Get them together and get the action started. Let their actions and words show their thoughts. You – stay out of their heads.
And while you’re avoiding “thought” verbs, be very wary about using the bland verbs “is” and “have.”
One of the most-common mistakes that beginning writers make is leaving their characters alone.
For example:
“Ann’s eyes are blue.”
“Ann has blue eyes.”
Versus:
“Ann coughed and waved one hand past her face, clearing the cigarette smoke from her eyes, blue eyes, before she smiled…”
Instead of bland “is” and “has” statements, try burying your details of what a character has or is, in actions or gestures. At its most basic, this is showing your story instead of telling it.
And forever after, once you’ve learned to Un-pack your characters, you’ll hate the lazy writer who settles for: “Jim sat beside the telephone, wondering why Amanda didn’t call.”
Please. For now, hate me all you want, but don’t use “thought” verbs. After Christmas, go crazy, but I’d bet money you won’t. End ID]
(via wildwood-faun)
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just painted an onion on a cutting board and i think it’s the peak of my artistic career
look at her…
she gets stronger!
the full painting is finally complete!
This is giving me emotions that I myself do not fully understand
Maybe you’re just tearing up because someone has been cutting onions
(via spongebobssquarepants)
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The DCEU is so funny to me, because you would have to be eating paste and huffing tar to fumble a franchise with the popularity and weight of DC Comics, but the executives at Warner Bros gave the reins of the franchise to Zack “God’s Strongest Accidental Fascist” Snyder and let him just slowly wedge the franchise into a complete standstill like Austin Powers on that luggage cart
Christopher Nolan made a Batman movie so good that it snagged nine Oscar nominations and won two. All DC had to do was restructure some scripts from Justice League Unlimited, and they’d keep the ball rolling forever. But no, every day Warner Brothers and Zack Snyder clocked into work at the Fumbling the Bag Factory and aimed to be employee of the month, and now The Flash movie is slated to make less than ANY of the movies featuring Quicksilver, who is literally The Flash but in Blue. And to this day the only thing I know about The Flash is that Ezra Miller puts a baby in the microwave.
This clip is edited a bit, and the context makes it marginally less bizarre, but the gif is so much funnier if you see it like this that I’ve just decided to present it without explanation.
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I…tried to make a meme and got carried away and made A Thing that is like partially unfinished because i spent like 3 hours on it and then got tired.
I think this is mostly scientifically accurate but truth be told, there seems to be relatively little research on succession in regards to lawns specifically (as opposed to like, pastures). I am not exaggerating how bad they are for biodiversity though—recent research has referred to them as “ecological deserts.”
Feel free to repost, no need for credit
Reminder that lawns are bad actually
(via strawberry-crocodile)
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house treats a dog trainer who says she has a 100% success rate for helping angry dogs and make them quiet and nice. house argues about how it cant be exactly 100% and wont stop being annoying about it. He brings in a literally feral rabid dog and she like makes it calm and lie down . House is disturbed by this because he wanted to be right that she sucks at stuff. (B-plot: house and the team sees if house can be trained with a dog clicker.) they break into her house and they find loads of dog pheromones and learn she has been wearing it like a perfume to calm down dogs. she thinks this is fine and theres no link but they think she is having a freaky reaction to it. but they take the pheromones away and she starts dying harder. house is really mad and has dinner with wilson, where he is complaining about how this lady is a charlatan but he doesnt understand what’s going on while eating out of a bowl of kibble like nothings wrong with it. wilson is watching him intently, as is the rests of the team who is watching from afar. house says his food is really yummy and insists wilson tries some and wilson is like “NO I CANT.” and house is like no you have to. you have to eat it. and wilson is like HOUSE STOP WE’VE BEEN CLICKERING YOU TO MAKE YOU EAT DOG FOOD. and house MAKES him eat a spoonful and hes like “… cocoa puffs..?” and house smirtks smartly as he demonstrates that he knew about their silly trick. “i know you guys are watching…. come out.”(the team is slowly emerging) “don’t worry . i dont bite anymore —“ he pauses and does a house stare and walks away to the sick lady’s room. cameron pours wilson a little milk for his cereal.“20%.” he walks into the room smartly. the patient is miffed and is about to say she doesn’t want to argue about percentages literally on her death bed. but house is like “no. 20% actually refers to the number of dog bites that get infected. You got bit by a dog and never got treated for it and ingredients in the dog pheromone solution were slowing it down. (?? im not a scientist) “ and he says something stupid like “sometimes a dog’s bark really is worse than its bite” and walks out. music starts playing. chase expresses he is mad about what cameron pouring milk for wilson means for them because cameron used to pour milk for her dead husband and he thinks she isnt over him. house walks out and reaches into his pocket and sneakily eats a hand ful of kibble
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Spent this week on making a bunch of faux oldschool anime screencaps. Had a blast making these, I’m especially happy with the background in the third one. I’ll probably keep making these, so look forward to more of these in the future!
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you know what’s a trope that never gets tired is when theyre bouncing around in the plot and suddenly an important name crops up- it’s blorbo bleebus. and some dude is like who the hell is blorbo bleebus. and we immediately cut to our new friend blorbo bleebus pulling the most absolutely buckwild shit you’ve ever seen
enhanced edition of this trope is when they cut to blorbo bleebus doing something entirely contradictory to how they were just introduced, like “i know a professional, someone discreet who can handle things quietly” cut to blorbo bleebus in the wildest fucking bar brawl you’ve ever seen, screaming their own name and stopping to down shots while still holding some dude in a headlock
We need a Dracula movie where they do this with Van Helsing.
#jack: i just contacted… professor van helsing#arthur: whomst?#jack: a genius an expert in every field of knowledge you could possibly imagine#he has five degrees he is one of the most respected academics in europe#*cut to van helsing running out of a church with a priest in pursuit and communion wafers spilling out of his pockets*
via @eleancrvances
You get it!
(via thegirlwiththemooglehat)
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blablabla discourse straights don’t belong at pride is such bullshit
listen sometimes cishet partners of queer folks give off such queer energy I think they belong at pride. example: my friend Will, partner of a bi nonbinary gal who is the fiercest trans ally I know and one of the first guys to ever invite me (a Trans man) to a boys nights out. 95% of his friends are queer. everytime we all hang out its a queer space, basically a pride party. he’s our friend, he belongs here. anyone who says he doesn’t belong is an ass. we brought him with us.
“straights don’t belong at pride” ok congrats on announcing to the world that you have no friends, bro pride is a hangout and a protest! it’s a party! it’s a revolution!
“being an ally means not taking up space” dude being an ally means being a friend. Taking up space doesn’t mean you can’t be there it literally just means don’t talk over other people. If you’re at pride and you’re not queer, just be a friend.
I was saying this to my brother, but heck, other people may also find it interesting: a thing that really helps clarify this for me is that my dad absolutely belongs in Jewish spaces. He’s not Jewish, he was raised protestant and these days is pretty much agnostic and fully nonpracticing, but he didn’t convert when he married my mom.
But he’s not even like a ‘guest’ at Jewish spaces - when he went to Purim at my uncle’s congregation in costume to watch us participate in the Purim shpiel he wasn’t there as a guest, he was there as a member of the community - yeah, a community that he might not have joined on his own, but what would that even mean 'on his own’ - he’s been married to a Jewish woman for more than 40 years, parenting at least one Jewish child for more than 30, he helped me write essays in the lead up to my bat mitzvah, signed off that I’d read my hebrew homework to him, stepped on a glass at his wedding to my mother, and let the old ladies coo at his pirate shirt at purim. No, he’s not a Jew, but he is a community member.
If he started proselytizing or something obviously that would be different (but also like. i am extraordinarily confident that’s not a problem we’re going to have to face), but the idea that we have to protect all spaces from outsiders completely fails to acknowledge that there are plenty of people who blur the lines between 'outsider’ and 'insider’ because that’s what human society is, that’s central to what makes our world beautiful. I’m not saying that there’s never a moment when it’s reasonable to say 'not for this’. But public events like pride sure aren’t it!
(via seaglassdinosaur)
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I’ve officially decided my favorite relationship trope is “at first I was perpetually bothered by your mere existence but somewhere along the way you became my best friend and oh yeah I’m also in love with you.” Nothing else matters.
How it started:
How it’s going:
(via chamiryokuroi)
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when I say riverdale is genius I truly mean it because what other show’s creator would perpetuate a twenty year long revenge scheme over a cease and desist he received for writing a queer play (which included serial killers, of course) about the main character of a decades old comics series he would later acquire the intellectual property rights to that ultimately culminates in making every single character from said comics series, no matter how minor, coming out as queer in some capacity, INCLUDING having the two female leads fall in love in the shows final season. none of you understand true art and it shows
(via princedrewwrites)
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